list-making

I have lists of things to buy.  I have lists of things to pack. I have lists of things to do before I leave, and things to do when I arrive, and while I don't yet have a list of things to do when I return, I bet I will soon.  I have lists of whom I've contacted.  I have lists of whom I need to contact.  I have lists of questions, lists of goals, lists of destinations.

I should probably - no, certainly - spend less time making lists of whom to contact, and more time contacting people... less time making lists of what to do (seriously, lists, plural, why would htat ever be necessary?) and more time actually doing it.

But I have finally decided that my list-making serves a vital function.  I sometimes like to feel like I am in control of my own life (we all have our little delusions).  I don't think it's obsessive or unhealthy, and it is hardly a universal rule - for instance, I have no objections at all to being lost, probably as a result of finding myself locationally confused so very often - but it's there.  And I have to accept the fact that when I travel alone to a country halfway around the world for the first time, there's going to be an overwhelming amount of stuff that I just cannot control.

And I know that.  And I accept that...  Theoretically.  Intellectually.

But I still want to have some sense, however small and illusory, of control.  And if making lists helps keep me sane, as long as I remember that my actual control is really limited, then by golly, I'm going to go make some lists of phone numbers to keep handy in printed form so I don't have to worry about my netbook working.

'Scuz me.